Indiana Humble Pie

pie

Indiana Humble Pie

Ingredients:

Filling

  • 26 unresolved arguments, preserved
  • Bourbon (substitutions not recommended)
  • 1 or more grudges, aged

Crust

  • Regrets, finely powdered
  • Introspection (several cups should suffice)
  • 1 friendship, finely diced
  • Assorted apologies

Instructions:

In a large skillet, peel and core the arguments; slice 1/8 inch thick. Toss

with enough bourbon to stagger a rhinoceros,

 

and let seep until saturated. Light a crucible beneath,

and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and let simmer,

 

but don’t let it go unattended. Eventually,

you’ll want to whisk in the grudges, but one at a time,

 

and stir slowly. They tend to curdle. Now

begin constructing the crust: preheat your memories. Gently

 

dust an ungreased baking pan with regret, and begin to work

in your introspection, occasionally adding enough

 

to remain pliable. Mold into a hollowed-out receptacle

worthy of containing the filling entirely, and cover.

 

Bake until softened, then remove and chill.

Serve over friendship. Apologize to taste.

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