Indiana Humble Pie


Indiana Humble Pie



  • 26 unresolved arguments, preserved
  • Bourbon (substitutions not recommended)
  • 1 or more grudges, aged


  • Regrets, finely powdered
  • Introspection (several cups should suffice)
  • 1 friendship, finely diced
  • Assorted apologies


In a large skillet, peel and core the arguments; slice 1/8 inch thick. Toss

with enough bourbon to stagger a rhinoceros,


and let seep until saturated. Light a crucible beneath,

and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and let simmer,


but don’t let it go unattended. Eventually,

you’ll want to whisk in the grudges, but one at a time,


and stir slowly. They tend to curdle. Now

begin constructing the crust: preheat your memories. Gently


dust an ungreased baking pan with regret, and begin to work

in your introspection, occasionally adding enough


to remain pliable. Mold into a hollowed-out receptacle

worthy of containing the filling entirely, and cover.


Bake until softened, then remove and chill.

Serve over friendship. Apologize to taste.


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